Rooftop leads to stairs

On the very top of that was the top
of me, and that one, a found person
like found sand which goes any way it pleases.
The little pale dog barks in unison
with hardline mouths getting shaved–
we are people with natural diseases.
The dog watches and knows more than this one
can fathom beyond his rolling eyeballs
who themselves roll and roll like the fall
that throws the wind everywhere
and leaves it there as it was found.
A homeless boy on the flour sell caught
up to this bus, for change, for a score.
Found other things to be happy for,
saddling around on a horse building
swaying with us. To be polite
or swallow, was the question how I answered.


~ by Jeremy on October 30, 2010.

2 Responses to “Rooftop leads to stairs”

  1. Somewhat embarrassed to say that this is one of the few poems of yours that I can somewhat grasp, at least marginally. I think you told me that you wanted criticism, but I don’t really have that. I can say that I really like “The little pale dog barks in unison/with hardline mouths getting shaved–/we are people with natural diseases.” It stood out, to me, at least. The ending doesn’t sit right with me. If it had been centred around something other than itself, then okay, but it ends there. Its clumsiness – was the questions how I answered – is a stylistic choice but I feel like I’m waiting for more, another stanza, perhaps.

    You don’t like my terminology – stanza – but I feel uncomfortable using a reserve. This was unhelpful but it’s there.

    Hope you’re all well.

  2. Heh–if only you were there.

    Thanks, I write shit lately, goes along well with the general flow of the days. Well enough.

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